The idea of smoking pot to regulate my life is unraveling,
so I need to make a necessary improvement.
I am a nationally-known public speaker.
Sexy like a Muppet,
guzzling Diet Cokes like I was Bill Clinton,
my blankness is the blankness of Reagan.
Then I became hungry like a fat person.
In preparation for Fucktime,
I threw my bedding in the dryer
that was defective and everything burned.
My friend Rob said it smelled like skin.
You know what it was?
It was the beginning of tomorrow.
And today is all your life will ever be.
God, I just love Dan Magers and today is his friggin’ birthday.