Hi. My book is a real thing and you can pre-order it from Ink Press right now. It has a back cover and a front cover and an extra flap that we’re calling “The Flap.” There are six different color variants and (because I’m me) we’re going to go ahead and call each variation a “colorway.” We’re even going to name them. The above one is called the “Charger;” the below one is called the “Taxi.”

The author of this post is called “a crazy person.”

Anyway, back to the pre-order: if you order yours before March 17th, I’ll send you a new Drake poem AND a hand-picked MP3 from my extensive early-aughts mixtape collection. Oh, and when I say “mixtape,” I’m not talking about a half-assed CD-R I made in an ill-fated attempt to get Lauren Goldfarb to date me–I mean a promo-only compilation of throwback hip-hop that I probably bought at Masters Barbershop on Giffords Lane.

I’ll also give you a big hug, because, well, really. Isn’t this crazy? It doesn’t feel real. You don’t feel real right now, because you’re behind a computer screen and I can’t feel you. But maybe you can come to one of my readings. Because I love hugs.